In every workplace, a little levity and laughter can help lighten the mood and bring colleagues together. This extensive list of 99+ funny work quotes aims to deliver just that – a daily dose of humor to share among coworkers. Ranging from tongue-in-cheek observations about meetings, emails and bureaucracy to relatable jokes about clients, caffeine fixes and 5PM slumps, these amusing quotes and one-liners will have your team smiling and bonding over common experiences. 

Browse selections on diverse topics like workplace problems, technology troubles and everyday office personalities. Brighten your break room whiteboard or team messaging group with an uplifting funny quote. Remember – a workplace without humor takes itself too seriously, so spread the smiles with this funny collection.

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Funny Work Quotes of the Day

1. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” 🏃‍♂️
2. “Meetings are an interruption of my day, not the purpose of it.” 🤣
3. “It’s always 3 PM somewhere. Time for a coffee break!” ☕️
4. “Any email over 5 lines will be summarized down to 5 lines.” 📝
5. “The first piece of paper in the box is always a rejection.” 📄
6. “I’m convinced that email is a productivity killer designed to eat away at our lives.” 📧
7. “I’m a people person. By people, I mean my cats.” 😺
8. “When I show up to work motivated, that’s called an anomaly.” 😴
9. “All I need is coffee and a whole lot of Jesus…maybe more coffee than Jesus.” ☕️
10. “I love deadlines. Especially the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” 😆
11. “I feel like the Beyoncé of finding things at the bottom of my bag.” 👜
12. “Forget work-life balance. I’m all about work-coffee balance.” ☕️
13. “If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevance even less.” 🤷‍♂️
14. “Do not disturb me while I’m busy avoiding my responsibilities.” 🤭
15. “Sometimes the phone rings and I just aren’t here.” 📞
16. “I spend my time thinking about stuff that probably isn’t going to happen.” 🤔
17. “I hate when people use big words just to make themselves sound photosynthesis.” 🤓

Short Funny Work Quotes

1. “I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
2. “Meetings are an interruption of my day, not the purpose of it.”
3. “I deal with difficult people by raising my price.”
4. “I am a results-oriented person, driven to achieve results that I will instantly forget about.”
5. “All calls are important. That’s why I screen them all.”
6. “Any email over two lines goes straight to the trash.”
7. “Avoid making mistakes. It’s the cheapest way to learn.”
8. “Do not disturb me while I’m busy avoiding my responsibilities.”
9. “If you’re going to be a bears, be a grizzly.”
10. “Sometimes when people are stressed, they give 110%. Other times, they only give as much as they have to give to not get fired.”
11. “I may not be totally together, but I’m sure as heck more together than some people.”
12. “Productivity is being able to do things that you were never able to do before.”
13. “I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.”

Wednesday Funny Work Quotes

1. “It’s hump day, which means it’s almost acceptable to start drinking at my desk.”
2. “I hope everybody has a case of the Wednesdays!”
3. “It’s almost the weekend…now if only someone could invent a way to condense Wednesday.”
4. “Just when I thought it was time to do actual work, it’s noon which means it’s time for a lunch meeting.”
5. “Why can’t every day be Tuesday? You know, not Monday and not yet Thursday.”
6. “Wednesday is my Friday.”
7. “Rough week? It’s only Wednesday!”
8. “It’s Wednesday, so of course I need an extra large cup of coffee to get through this day.”
9. “I survived another Monday, Tuesday is semi-cool but Wednesday is just a reminder that the weekend is still so far away.”
10. “Wednesday doesn’t count as the middle of the week if you pretend it’s still Tuesday.”
11. “Hump day thoughts: it’s been a long week already and it’s only Wednesday.”
12. “Not Moday, not Friday – it’s Wednesday, which means I’m surviving on fumes and snacks at my desk.”
13. “Almost there, keep pushing through – I tell myself every Wednesday.”

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Tuesday Funny Work Quotes

1. “It’s Tuesday which means it’s almost hump day! ☕️
2. “I survived another Manic Monday, now it’s Taco Tuesday 🍽️
3. “Thank god it’s Tuesday, that means the week is 20% over already! 🙌
4. “All I want for Tuesday is coffee and no meetings. Is that too much to ask? ☕️
5. “I wish every day could be Taco Tuesday. Is that too much to ask? 🤤
6. “I hope you’re all feeling like a renewed and restored human being on this fine Tuesday! 🤣
7. “It’s just another manic Tuesday, wishing I was a robot. 🤖
8. “Would it be lazy of me to take a Tuesday afternoon nap? 😴
9. “One day closer to the weekend! You’re doing great sweetie. 🤗
10. “Thank god it’s Tuesday, I don’t know if I’d survive another Monday. 🥴

Friday Funny Work Quotes

1. It’s Friday, I’m in love…with the idea of sleeping in tomorrow. 😴
2. TGIF? More like Thank God I’m Finished. 🙌
3. Two more hours…I can do this🕰️ pretends to work furiously for 5 minutes
4. Me all week: works diligently 👨‍💼
5. Me on Fridays: plays solitaire and refreshes Twitter🤣
6. Me: There’s no way I can focus anymore today 🤯
7. Boss: Got one more thing for you…
8. Me: 😫
9. Friday mood: It ain’t much but it’s honest work. 🐾
10. I survived another week! Someone get me a drink🍸
11. The weekend starts when I say it starts😤
12. Fridays: I do my best work before lunch 🥪
13. Mentally checked out since Wednesday ☑️
14. Me watching the clock until quittin’ time:🕰️ pretends to yawn

Also Read: Powerful Inspirational Quotes for Men

Funny Motivational Quotes for Work

1. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Unless you work in a coffee shop; then you just miss 100% of the shots, period.”
2. “My goals for 2019: 1) Get promoted. 2) Learn how to work the copier without stapling myself. 3) Break room vending machine finally accepts my quarters.”
3. “Coffee gives me the energy to handle my coworkers.”
4. “I enjoy deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
5. “I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” – Jerome K. Jerome
6. “The harder I work, the luckier I get.” Except when the coffee machine breaks, then all luck is off the table.
7. “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” – Albert Einstein. Accurate description of many meetings.
8. “It’s Halloween! Time to put on my ‘still functioning after only 6 hours of sleep’ mask. Boo!”
9. “Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.” And sometimes we just want to lose. Just a little.
10. “My days of workplace non-violence are definitely coming to a middle.”

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